When I first got to recovery, one of my first sponsors instructed me to introduce myself as a “grateful recovering alcoholic.” That sort of pissed me off. I wasn’t grateful to be an alcoholic. I wasn’t grateful about much of anything in the beginning. I had lost my best friend (alcohol). Maybe I was going to live – but I didn’t see how I was ever going to enjoy it!
Today, I have experienced the joys of sobriety and the bountiful gifts that have come to me not only from not drinking, but as the result of working on my spiritual growth to free myself of the bonds of addictive behaviors and patterns.
Yes, today I can honestly say I am grateful to be a recovered alcoholic, because without having gone through addiction, I would not have come to a program of recovery. First of all, I would have been dead a long time ago. Today I am alive and enjoying life – not because I’m living on some sort of pink cloud, but because I have tools for coping with life as it comes. And let’s face it, life comes in many different forms. Some days it's pretty and some days it's ugly. Some days it makes sense and some days it defies reason or logic. But no matter what “face” life wears today I don’t have to anesthetize myself to get through it. I don’t have to run today because I don’t want to feel, or because I’m afraid, or angry, or just don’t care. Today I can take what comes and deal with it head on. That’s freedom!
See, serenity isn’t about being “zoned out” on some chant or mantra or Pollyanna view of things that ignores what’s going on all around you. Serenity is about being the eye of the hurricane. It’s about maintaining one’s balance and being in harmony with the grander scheme of things, while all around you on the local scene chaos reigns.
“Grounded.” “Centered.” Those are good descriptors.
The key is “Tuned In” to a Truth that moves, breathes, lives and has its Being in and through us. It’s knowing that we do not live apart from the All That Is, but as a part of it. It’s knowing that we are not separate from anything nor anyone around us. They are reflections to us, of us, through which we can measure our growth and our relationship with our Self.
Yes, today I’m grateful to be a recovered alcoholic, because I could not have written that last passage without having made the passage from killing myself to “living myself.”
I am who I am because of what I have come through. All of it. There is no part of what I have experienced in my journey towards today that if one minute piece of it were left out or altered, I would be the same person I am.
Today, who I am still needs polishing – but damn I’ve cleaned up nice! I’ve come a long way. It’s absolutely essential that we credit ourselves with our progress. Alcoholic or not.
So in this “season” of Thanksgiving, yes I have much to be grateful for. So much that I hope that I practice gratitude every day of the year, not just on “holidays” or “special months.”
©2008 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved.
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