“How did you do that?” some recovery friends will ask me later. “One day at a time,” is the standard reply.
Actually, in the beginning it was more like “one moment at a time.” In my recently published book, No Change, No Gain – It’s All About Choices (which is a take-off on the saying “no pain no gain”) I go into some detail about what it took in those early days, weeks, months and years to get and stay sober.
(see http://silverstreammusic.tripod.com/id38.html To Order My Book, OR go to
http://www.debadler.com/ and click on "Order Deb's New Book" from main menu.)
The bottom line is, it was no picnic. In the beginning I wanted to crawl out of my skin. But I wanted sobriety more than I wanted death, and I had a wonderful network of supportive women, and men, who had walked the road before me, put out their hands and said, “Walk these steps with me. I made it. You can.”
I balked at first, but once I determined that I was “sick and tired of being sick and tired,” that I was exhausted from bumping into myself, no matter how much I tried to place the problems I was experiencing everywhere but me; once I realized that every time I went up against alcohol it won, I was ready to accept a new way of life.
Not that I stepped into recovery to “transform myself.” I just wanted to stop drinking. Well, I didn’t really want to stop drinking, but clearly the “drink ‘til you can’t feel” modus operandi of coping with life on life’s terms wasn’t working.
There are no words to describe what I’ve gotten down through the years of following a very simple path, cultivated by those who have gone before me. The rewards of sobriety are endless.
They don’t come without a little homework. Spiritual Homework. Because to kick addictions, one has to recognize patterns that set up certain bio-chemical sequences in our brain cells, and learn to alter those sequences through altering our behaviors.
In the beginning, it was a matter of trusting that someone else might have more experience that I have, and being willing to accept that on faith – to follow someone besides myself. Today, 28 years later, as a student of quantum physics and Nuwati healing, I have a much greater understanding of the true nature of the addictive process. Back then, I was too much a player in the drama to be able to see anything other than my own limited experience.
On my first anniversary, sober friends threw me a party. We had food, a cake, music, dancing, great fellowship – all without alcohol. It was great! We made a point, that circle of friends I had grown to love, of celebrating people’s anniversaries. That circle of friends cut across age, race, sex and sexual orientation, professionals, blue collar, trades people, householders - every socio-economic-cultural group was represented. I learned how to celebrate life with the help of these people. Because our lives depended on it.
My life has been rich, full and blessed. It’s had its challenges. Life is life - an adventure or a curse, depending on how you look at it. I’ve gained tools for coping and friends who help me to remember to “pick up those tools” when life’s challenges hit.
I spend time around each anniversary calling some of that original circle, or emailing them, just to express my appreciation for what the have come to mean in my life today. And I’ll go to a gathering of recovering friends today, announce my anniversary, and we’ll all applaud. It’s not so much for the recognition, as to let the new person know that that seemingly long road to recovery is possible. Another way to show “celebration.”
Most importantly, today I’m not a slave to a substance and I don’t have to be a slave to habitual behaviors either. It’s All About Choices. Today I celebrate my choices. That's Freedom!
Deb
©2008 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved.
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