I Want My Mommy!

I'm watching a little boy who has just found out earlier in the day that his mother is returning from Iraq. He is almost inconsolable in the arms of his grandfather. I have seen them together often here, at a local restaurant-wifi spot, where I am sitting as I write this. In fact, I’m usually at the same table and they sit nearby at two stuffed chairs by the fireplace in the center of the eating area.

He’s pretty rambunctious, tends to hang from door handles and tries to climb up the walls, over the furniture, etc. I‘ve felt, with some sympathy towards the grandfather, and then again not, that the boy often gets out of hand. It seems Grandpa just keeps talking to him in this almost monotone, very soothing, but not too effective. Today it all came into perspective.

She (his mom) has been away for 2 ½ years. The little boy wants to go to the airport now and wait for her. Apparently she won’t be in for another few days.

I guessed that he looked as though he might be 3 or 4 years old. “Yes,” the Grandfather confirmed when I asked, “He’ll be four on Oct 20th.”

Seems every time the little boy sees a plane since the news that his mother is coming returning, he breaks into tears. He wants to go to the airport and wait for mommy - NOW! He wants to be there when she arrives. He really doesn't understand why they can't go now. I'm sure he doesn't want to miss her. There is no comfort at this point.

Some people try. A server brings out a cookie. Another woman, a customer, has gone to her car and brought back a coloring book for the boy - having no idea whatsoever what's wrong, but still wanting to help.

“I want my mommy!!!” Through tears and screams.

He was less than 2 years old when she left, I calculated in my head. Then I thought of all the ones who were on their way home and didn’t make it back in those last few precious days of duty. I said a prayer for both of them.

I wonder. How many other children have been traumatized? How many will never see their mommies or daddies again?

For what?

-D

©2008 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved.

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Seek First to Understand...

"Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood.
-Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

"Covey warns that giving out advice before having empathetically understood a person and their situation will likely result in that advice being rejected. Thoroughly listening to another person's concerns instead of reading out your own autobiography is purported to increase the chance of establishing a working communication."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Seven_Habits_of_Highly_Effective_People)

Just wanted to end that last post with a positive note! Sounds saccharin? Maybe. But I've learned that what we focus on is what we get. I want more understanding, compassion and respect from others, so guess what I have to offer first? I'm learning. Thanks for letting me share my process.

Prejudices, pain, ignorance exists today, but we don't have to feed it.

Later. -D

©2008 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved.

please vote for this article at Stumble, Digg, Furl, Del.icio.us, and Facebook. Thanks!

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