One of my "rituals" I perform when I go online for the first time each day is to "google" my name. This is a little like staring at yourself in the mirror to make sure everything is in place and looks good. In my case, I use it to assess my success in search engine optimization and standing in the search engines for my websites, blogs, and various sites where my CD
Songbyrd is available for sale and as Mp3 downloads.
Today, while performing this daily exercize, I discovered that one of my posts had been added to The Third Third site, (see www.thethirdthird.com),
a blog for women in the "third third" of their lives. It's managed by a delightful woman, Ann Sentilles, who is the Editor, and I was happy to have her be receptive to posting some of my articles when I first contacted her last fall.
I went to the posting that I found in my google search,
"Deb Adler's blog -- www.debadlersblog.blogspot.com -- deals with faith, music, gender, parents, and more. Here, her thoughts on losing her mother,... "
There, I discovered some paraphrasing and re-writing from my original post. Alas, we "bloggers" become accustomed to having our words published exactly as they are written
because we publish them with the click of a mouse button! We forget that in the world of publishing, editors edit.
So once I got past the shock of seeing some "re-organization" of my words, I got over it. I did, however, feel compelled to write a comment because there had been an actual addition of a statement made that was contrary to the experience I was describing.
This is in reference to my November 1, 2007 post,
Nov 1st: On the Anniversary of My Mother's Death. Here's my comment as it appears at The Third Third
I am complimented to be part of The Third Third, however as I read over this post and realize that some of it has been paraphrased and re-written from the original post, I would invite the reader to view the actual post written on November 1, 2007.
This was actually written on the anniversary of my mother's death, not her birthday, as indicated here. It's that day (the day of her death) which has gone unnoticed to me in some years, but for some reason this year was very much prominent in my mind. Hence the blog post.
Most of the poetic license that has been taken here is just a matter of re-organizing my original writing, I guess. That's what editors do. However, there is a statement made here that in the final month of my mother's life, while she was in the hospital, "We talked of everything."
Actually, we talked very little. She was weak and in and out of consciousness. The most important element of our communication during that time was in what was not said. It came with being there. It came from rubbing white gardenia lotion on her hands when she was awake so she could appreciate how nice it smelled and that it made her feel better.
"We talked of everything" is a Hollywood depiction of the end of life, as far as I am concerned. Resolution of conflict and healing of the past doesn't come through words. It comes through action. It comes in a silent presence, it comes in the "unspoken."
This was what my mother and I shared in her final days.
So if you find yourself facing the opportunity to be with a loved one in their time of passing from this life to the next, don't worry about what to say. Just be there. That will say volumes. And whatever you feel is unresolved between you will pass in the silence and be resolved.
I appreciate this exposure to an audience that I might not necessarily otherwise reach. I hope to be featured here again, and I invite you to read this original post and others at my blog, http://debadlersblog.blogspot.com/
Thanks!
Deb Adler
PEACE!©2008 Deborah Adler. All rights reserved.
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